Don’t for a second think THIRST GAMES is an insult: like a moth to a flame, such is palpable thirst to any good summer. Dissecting the art of the zillenial flirt is one of the longstanding joys of partaking in SUMMER HOUSE because it comes in so many shapes and sizes. You have Kyle’s brand of frat star flexing, Lindsay’s cougar prowl (she’s always been distinctly feline in approach regardless of age), and Jesse’s Fabio meets fuck boy glomming on (last week I told TikTok he sprays pheremones like Pepe Le Pew, and the statement stands).
Watching this cast’s tipsy liaisons is like Animal Planet for nosey neighbors who are too lazy to be out Hamptons whoring (Amanda’s words!) themselves. It feels so good to be back in the jungle.
SUMMER HOUSE S10 E4
Rated F for Flirty
Genre: Romantic Comedy
Starring: DJ Kyle Cooke, Gemma’s mom, a Gen-Z Michael Bublé impersonator, and Ben’s blue eyes
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐.5/5 stars
Act 1: Dawn Of The Dead
The episode opens with the ultimate comfort watch: hungover people recapping the night (without actually having to endure the hangover oneself). Naturally, the happy vibes at redneck casserole breakfast dissipate with a quick cut to Amanda and Kyle marriage counseling each other in the closet. Kyle gives what feels like his first heartfelt apology of the season: he’s sorry for being “the drunkest he’s been in a year,” last night, but it helped him realize he’s “not good.” Amanda pushes past the drinking (well, only after getting her little dig in) to tackle the root of their issue: they are not communicating as partners, through bad or good. Instead, Kyle feels emotionally abandoned while Amanda feels her presence is perceived as too miserable to penetrate. It’s clear as day to anyone looking from the outside in that this marriage is a deep breath away from needing life-saving resuscitation.
In the city (location switch!) Ben’s singles mixer ensues. And, I must admit, West raises a good point: an Australian guy with blue eyes doesn’t need help finding a date in New York. So what is Ben’s deal? And why won’t the producers give him one single interview so we can find out? For now, Ben is restricted to Bailey’s female gaze. Bailey sings Ben’s praises to anyone who will listen (except Ben). When the two wifed of the bunch, Mia and Amanda, try to coach her on how to spit game, Bailey admits she believes Ben’s too good for her, and to that point, is worried she’s not good enough for this group. What a number that toxic relationship with Sweetgreen did on this nouveau fashionista’s confidence! Round out an exciting first act, West introduces another fumbled hottie as a friend of the cast, Dara.
Act 2: My Best Friend’s Girl
If you were under the impression that Kyle skipped the singles party out of respect for his marriage, expect less from the Kymanda unit. Kyle DJed through the pain at an away game, without Amanda by his side, to his dismay. Because if playing groupie on C-tier tour stops is “what it takes” to save their marriage, it’s a no for Amanda. The sentiment stands, apparently, even when Kyle’s TWO-HOUR show is in the Hamptons, where the gang’s returned for regularly scheduled shenanigans. This man is already broaching Scorcese feature-length liberties on his DJ set? Oh, to be an influencer who can front the cost of DJ equipment.
Lindsay, with all of the confidence Bailey feels she’s lacking and then some, gets to work unwrapping the Benigma in the kitchen. They don’t immediately feel like a romantic fit (it’s apparent Hubbhouse would devour him in one bite, like many of her previously unsuccessful male suitors), but I’m so grateful one of the ladies is actively trying. Do we get to hear how Ben feels about this? Nope! Producers said read between his blue eyes.
Later, Jesse shares, to the shock of literally no one with a pulse, that he’s interested in more than caricaturish flirting with Ciara: he might be open to dating her (or probs just a drunken makeout thing, as he downplays it). Given the fantastic fallout between West and Ciara, surely, West’s bestie will approach this topic with humility and grace, right? Wrong! Instead of a one-on-one worthy of tense instrumentals, but ending in a man hug, Jesse plants the seed as locker room chat in front of all of the boys in bed.
Act 3: Sliding Doors
In an eerie reenactment of many Bravoholics’ sleep paralysis demonic encounters, I’m sure, Jesse Solomon does the honor of introducing Kyle’s DJ set during the night out. It’s funny to think there is a parallel timeline in which Amanda is in the crowd, blacked out in support. But in this one, she’s in bed (along with Levi, who is quickly slipping through the stacked cast cracks).
Lindsay arrives home from the rave all smiles, eons away from another alternative universe where she’s again fighting with Carl in the back of a Lyft. She’s much better off carefully planting those ridiculous (genius) cardboard cutouts with Mia.
Ciara and Jesse arrive home with the last of the bunch, and are the first to go to bed — separately, even though in Jesse’s fantasy world, they might be going to bed together. But instead, the boys are downstairs unpacking how weird it is that Jesse asked West permission to reheat his romantic nachos, when the only logical choice ATP would be to request forgiveness. Kyle, Ben, and KJ don’t think Ciara would actually go for it, but the fact that Jesse thinks he has a chance speaks volumes to his delusion, her indulgence, or both.
Act 4: That Awkward Moment
Bailey tries to flirt with Ben…by asking Ben if he thinks she knows how to flirt (21 seconds after a deliberate attempt, as the editors aptly remind). It’s an endearing and relatable voluntary friendzoning that is a canon event, though Amanda really would be doing her a solid by interfering instead of egging it on.
In climactic build-up before the episode’s end, Carl set dresses the house for next week’s Renaissance party. Lindsay, never one to be a supporting character regardless of her screentime, gets the goss from West about Jesse and calls it by its name. Jesse is calling dibs on Ciara, a gross repeat behavior of his, but is he doing it this time because he’s caught real feelings? Being honest that he was never joking about Ciara being wife material last summer would actually be welcome character development from Jesse’s haha jk unless playbook.
But he peels back a cloyingly cringe layer instead: Jesse writes a song when he gets a new crush, and then immediately sends said musical masterpiece to become the soundtrack of their romance. A moment of silence for all the women who have heard Jesse’s “little piano” over voice note.
In the pool with West, Jesse tries to make his case for the Ciara makeout by continuing to hide behind the bit of it all. Unfortunately, his subterfuge is as successful as a three-year-old playing hide-and-seek in a new-money Real Housewife’s mansion. The tension could just about sink the pool floatie. So, West uses Ben as a shield for his own reservations, landing on the awkies truth that some people might call Jesse a weirdo or a dickhead (why not both?) for moving so messy. I think the most astute label might be pro bono court jester.
Best SUMMER HOUSE Performance Of The Week:
Lindsay ⭐⭐⭐⭐/5
She came, she gossiped, she conquered, and she didn’t let those Australian dimples go to waste.
Outstanding SHOW NAME Flop Of The Week:
Jesse ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐/5
“Secretly, I want you so bad / But we’ve always just been friends. [Forgets the words], but once I say this, we can never go back.” I am shaking. This is hard to watch and yet impossible to look away from, a glorious lane of reality TV.
I’d Like To Thank Andy…
Music licensing rights are annoying until they save you from a nonconsensual DJ set.