LOVE ISLAND Week 3 (6/15 - 6/21): Hurricane Huda Requires A FEMA Response

Good thing Tr*mp cut their funding!

Greetings! Love Island USA is back and that means so am I, with the curated recap content you need to digest 56 episodes of pure, slutty chaos. If you’re thinking “babe, you’re a little late,” my only response is I’m on Fiji time, luv.

LOVE ISLAND Week 3: Recap

Island Briefing

• The first OG Islander to be sent home was Belle-A. She's already back stateside, and though she's done a few tell-A all interviews, honestly, it's like she was never there.

• Who else went home?

  • In episode 12, Charlie the Greek God with a latent unibrow gifted straight from Zeus (this is a compliment) got played sooooo horrifically by Hannah. Hananh was all over Pepe, only for her to come crawling back to Charlie, but not before the American voting pool assumed Charlie was already chopped liver. The best part was Amaya refusing to humor Charlie's (yes, spiteful) advances only to vote to send him home that very evening! Her screams are still ringing in my ears from the whole ordeal a week later.

  • In episode 14, the semi truck driver, who ironically was also built like a semi truck, Jalen, gave Taylor an undeserved second chance at bagging Olandria. Sigh.

• Who just landed in Fiji?

  • The first bombshells, Amaya and Hannah, left much to be desired — at first. And, being real, I still don't care for Job Hannah. But the minute Amaya started verbally boxing Ace because he wouldn't let her call him babe…we need her in Fiji badly, y'all.

  • The second batch of bombshells includes Iris. She seems nice enough, but under the shadow of Hurricane Huda, I'm forgetting her face as I type. She'll be gone in a week's time, and I'm wishing her a safe flight (and hoping Huda didn't poke a hole in her window or something).

  • The third batch of bombshells (first revealed on Jigsaw blocks assembled under the watch of Megan Thee Stallion) gave us a Dominican woman named Andreina and a Ken doll named TJ. So far, my only read on Andreina is that her dad is probably named Andre (men are lazy), she definitely exudes “I just graduated from college” energy, and I feel confident she will be fighting BBL allegations. On the other hand, I have no read on TJ, because when he said New York has "too many sidewalks and streets," so he prefers New Jersey, I stopped listening.

• Best Quotes Of The Week (and some from weeks 1-2, too, because I have to)

  • "Can't get no coochie out this queen!" - Bell-A, arms waiving in the air, owning her sexuality or lack thereof.

  • "Mommy? Mamacita? A mom of what, a dog? In real life?" - Nick on finding out about Huda's secret motherhood.

  • "Take care, brother, enjoy life." - Huda, to a man she lives with in deserted quarters (Jeremiah). I will be saying this henceforth for people I intend to see again imminently.

  • "Get off my dick bitch, like fuck off." - Huda, to a man she would marry tomorrow (Jeremiah).

  • "He's using Iris as an escape goat!" - Huda getting a little confused with American English idioms in a pretty iconic way.

  • "No, we don't want to do that. We don't want to do that! We don't want ot do that, though!" - Amaya, on voting out someone on the competition show she got to about four days prior.

  • "Bitch I don't know how to iron clothes. How am I supposed to get married?" - Amaya, before definitely burning her satin pajamas.

  • "I guarantee there's a million things you won't like about me" - Pepe giving a subtle warning about his likeability to a female suitor.

  • "It was one of the best 25 seconds of my life" - Nick, proudly, on having not-so-secret sex with Cierra.

Conch of the Week

A title reserved for the Island’s MVP. Week three showed Olandria is a star and even better a star with an undeniable ass. She's a girl's girl, a friend to the guys, and she humored Huda's tears with a level of grace that needs to be added to the Love Island history books. On top of that, she's been patient as a saint with Taylor, despite the Tomahawk Truck of a man offering her affection without persuasion. I still hold out hope for her and Nic-o-las.

Again, it must be acknowledged: body tea. She even looked 10/10 in the possibly questionable, definitely shiny Hot Girl Summer swim. Olandria also made out with a whole island of boys without complaining or getting a cold sore. Her work ethic to culture that made me say culture for me could’ve even inspired Paige DeSorbo to clock in for work, had she not already quit SUMMER HOUSE.

Loser's Lagoon

This one has to go to Huda, even though there's hopefully a rainbow on the other side of her now-passed category 5 storm. I don't know that I've ever seen someone on reality TV pull an ear-hustling to crash-out move not once, but twice, in the same news cycle! But here we are. Huda tried everything (the very harsh stick, the soft spoken carrot, and expelling Iris from her sight on several occasions) to hold onto her man who apparently wasn't making her happy, needed punishment for undercooking pancakes, and still was worth trying to bait back after calling him a bitch on several occasions.

In their heart-to-heart after two recoplings that Huda barely escaped, Cierra said, "There will be a version of Huda after Jeremiah," nearly making my head spin. Even in Love Island terms, this level of down bad ass-showing, so soon, is alarming! On the positive side, her eyelashes stayed on through all of the screaming, crying, and spilled milk. I smell a brand collab!

Winner's Circle

Ace and Chelley have organically clicked following Huda and Jeremiah's early angling (orchestrated or otherwise) for the number one spot, falling dramatically apart. So, if I had to pick a winning couple from the early bunch, these two would be it. They look good together and have so much chemistry that fans are making up conspiracy theories that they're already a couple IRL!

Biggest Conspiracy Theory

Despite the whispers about Chelly and Ace being a secret couple who entered the show just for the money (wouldn't it make more sense for just one of them to go on, then?) I have a bigger, more ridiculous seed to plant. So far, Paige and Megan have visited Fiji. So, I suspect we're due for more famous faces in the NBCUniversal fam to be sent to The Villa. Here me out…Ariana Grande! The Ariana What Are You Doing Here memes write themselves. And/or Jalen Hurts to tease the return of football at the end of the season. Producers, just make sure he’s in a bikini too — for scientific reasons!