LOVE ISLAND Episode 24: Heartrate Challenge Emergency Edition

Huda's ass clap had the medics grabbing a defibrillator

LOVE ISLAND USA Heart Rate Challenge Recap

We wait for this strip tease every year. THIS is my Christmas in July!

Island Briefing

• NicOlandria final thoughts…the turmoil these two are putting us through. First, the unstated chemistry in the challenges, then the radio silence on any signs of a romance, then the KISS, followed by the premature "mutual" pullout (it was really Olandria, stuck on stupid Taylor). Ohhh, nooo, I didn't feel anything either, cool, cool, cool.

  • On Sunday night, Nic's tough guy act over Elan's tough guy line (see below) wasn't fooling anyone, except Cierria. Nic literally licked Olandria's FEET??? My poor girl Cierra's movie night experience is now perfectly teed up to remove her mascara, foundation, and dignity :(.

• Are these producers trying to outdo the summer blockbusters or summn? Are they trying to put Tom Cruise out of a damn job or put AMC stubs out of business?! It is comically American of them (after ONE mainstream successful season, mind you) to supersize the format to such an action-packed degree the Brits would find unforgivably distasteful. The Casa elimination twist, the contrived Nicolandria return recoupling that was dragged out across three (!) separate reveals (like, at what point does it become psychological warfare), and now a double heart range challenge where you strip tease not for your partner but with them?! Simply absurd!*

  • *Episode 24's twist was groundbreakingly freaky shit. The pervert who came up with it probably should be awarded an Emmy, but it still would've worked wayyyy better with solid couples, which this show has ruthlessly deprived us of thanks to their hijinks. IMAGINE Huda and Jeremiah in this challenge. I rest my case.

• What was so horrific about Huda's ass clap, though? Don't get me wrong, NBC would’ve been sued by the FCC for the number of complaints they'd have received from JD Vance fanboys if they had aired it on broadcast TV. But, was Huda's dry humping really sooooo errotically ergonomically egregious compared to her partner Chris thrusting Cierra in the air up and down, Olandria's dick dropping on TJ and Taylor or motorboating Bryan with her ass, Nic and Cierra practically 69ing Iris, Elan Magic Mike-ing Cierra, or what Chelley herself did to Chris? I think not.

  • And furthermore, were all the costumes overnighted from Amazon Prime?

• Best Quotes Of The Episode

  • "My true emotion is fuck that man." - Chelley, defining a new primary emotion for the female masses.

  • "You've been inside me, you freak." - Iris, getting her first bar off after two weeks.

  • "I would never kiss my friend's man who has had sex with her." - Iris, getting down to brass tax about the fact Nic does not like Cierra as much as he should.

  • "I was singing a song. I don't know if you know it — it's called — by Stevie Wonder, My Cherie Amour?" - Chris genuinely asking a black American woman if she's heard one of the most beloved songs of all time.

  • "Mmmm spicy mami" - Olandria hilariously brushing elbows with a microaggression, quietly proving she and Nic belong together.

  • "Is he a fucking Flintstone?" - Clarke asking a valid question about Ace's outfit.

  • "It's your turn to watch, bro." - Elan, making us give it up for the rehearsed read.

  • "I was mad. I'm still mad." - Nic, pretending he was jealous about Cierra and Elan when he was really mad that all the girls skipped him.

Conch of the Challenge

Amaya Papaya and her turnt out pink Carrie Bradshaw pumps were *perfect*.

Loser's Lagoon

Chelley is really going to send a tall king out to Huda's pasture for a breakdancer with busker energy? And while we're at it, why do the producers keep giving this cast audition tape material in these bizarre one-off scenes? I know Ace and Taylor are practically lovers, but why did they deserve a sauna date for the hard work of giving us NOTHING in Casa?? If I want to stare at Ace in a futuristic sauna, I'll wait the three years until he's cast in a Tubi spy thriller as an AI cop.

Winner's Circle

As annoying as it may be, I still see Chris' nephew (Ace) and Chris' dream girl (Chelley) taking it home at this point. Nic and Cierra would have a chance if literally 2% of the fandom were half as excited as Cierra is about their relationship.

Biggest Conspiracy Theory

I'd bet Vanna's whole injectibles budget that something happened (a kiss, a touch, a risky turn of phrase) between Nic and Olandria when the cameras were down on the ride home from their date or in bed and we sadly won't hear about it until one of them shows up on Viall Files or Call Her Daddy. Damn it.